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| Version | User | Scope of changes |
|---|---|---|
| Oct 11 2009, 12:39 PM EDT | kaleycheer | 1563 words added, 1 photo added |
| Oct 11 2009, 12:39 PM EDT | Naru2008 |
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Questions that I get a lot
How long did you dance for, and when did you quit?I started dancing when I was 21 and stopped when I was 26.
Did you dance topless or nude?
In the state where I worked, there is only one kind of club: A dancer can be fully nude on stage but must have both top and bottom for lap dances.
Did you ever do private dances?
No, in my state, there aren't private rooms; there is a "VIP lounge" but it's just a different section that is pretty much the same as the general floor. Lap dances took place in the darkened sofas along the walls.
How/why I got into dancing
I grew up in pretty typical upper middle class environment. Both of my parents were professionals who gave me a good life, and nothing really bad ever happened to me. I always knew what I was supposed to be doing: Be nice to people, keep my grades up, go to a four year university, get a good job, get married, have kids, and be happy.I was always a mediocre student but was really into athletics in high school, so that kept me out of trouble. I graduated from high school with a 3.2 GPA and got into the better of my state's two universities. I rushed and lived in the Greek System for the next two-and-a-half years. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, which at this time was having fun. I felt like that's what grown-ups around me expected then. They would tell me that these were the best days of my life and I should be having fun. I partied three or four nights a week, went to a ton of road trips, concerts, and sports games.Then one day when I was a junior, I woke up at 11am, put on my sweat pants and wandered around the main floor looking for someone to go to McDonalds with me. All of my friends, however, were busy. They were studying for midterms, applying for internships, and trying to get into their majors. I'd been vaguely aware of these things but it seemed that overnight, they'd become stark realities. My friends started giving me that condescending look when I wanted to go goof off all the time. I tried half-heartedly to engage in all of these studious things that I was supposed to be into, but I decided that I was hopelessly unready. My dad really started to get on my case around then, threatening to stop paying my house bill and tuition.I started to feel like I was falling further and further behind, and I acted out by going into an academic and social shame spiral. There was a stuck-up and prideful part of me that wouldn't move home and go to junior college until I got my head straight. That is, after all, that's what losers did. So faced with imminent failure, I decided that the best thing to do was go hard in the exact opposite direction and get into dancing. I told myself that it would be a bold new adventure to take the place of my failure at school and I would dare people to judge me for it. It had the promise of keeping the party going and keeping me flush with money while simultaneously punishing my parents for threatening to cut me off.It all seems a little dramatic and illogical in retrospect, but that's the best way that I can explain my choice to get into dancing.The dancing life
I think that dancing is as close to the rock n' roll life as it gets for us civilians. I was getting up at 11am, goofing off all day, going to the gym, and then heading in to the artificial party that is the modern gentlemen's club. My phone was always ringing and I always in demand socially. And for a while, things were good.When it came to work, I was never one of the hardcore hustlers. On a nightly basis, I always did above average without trying very hard. I didn't have that drive for tons of money that some of the other girls did. There were always opportunities for private parties (like bachelor parties and stuff) but I never participated in that. I think it was a boundary that I set for myself: I could dance nude, but only in a club. It seems like a silly rationalization now, but it made sense to me at the time.I think the biggest misconception that guys have about strip clubs and dancers is what a business it all is. Intellectually, most guys understand that the club is designed to wave a nude girl in front of you and empty your pockets. But intellect goes out the window very quickly, and disbelief is completely suspended. The man becomes whoever they want to be - the party boy who "doesn't need to pay for it," the fixer, the sugar daddy, the responsible suburban dad, the successful business owner, the good guy, the bad guy, the player, the pimp. Then they turn the girl into whoever they want them to be - the damaged little girl, the wanton sex kitten, the exhibitionist, the centerfold, the college student, the trashy slut. But it's all a performance, and guys would be shocked if they ever went backstage, walked past the baby stroller and the box of tampons, and heard the conversations that go on back there. Money is the number one topic at all times, and the ridiculous things that customers say are dissected to a chorus of giggles. The best that a customer can hope for is to be invisible, which means that you're polite, pay for a girl's time, tip well, and don't have too many silly ideas.Don't get me wrong, dancers all have issues, but they're almost never the issues that men want us to have. When I talk to guys online, almost every guy says some form of "I bet you miss showing off your body and turning guys on." I desperately want you to understand that that'syourstory about dancers.Youmade up this story that dancers are getting off sexually while they're working because that story heightens the experience foryou. When you think about it, it's not too different from running into Harrison Ford in a Hollywood restaurant and asking him if he misses flying around the galaxy and fighting Darth Vader. But that's what much of my online dialogue is - guys asking me to do an impression from the movie that they've had playing in their heads. What I'm asking is for you to make a distinction between the character and the actress. If you want the character... well, there are a hundred "18F 34DD bi horny" characters out there that would be happy to oblige you, right?.Why I got out of dancing
I'd been dancing for about three years when my peers began graduating from college, moving to new cities and getting their exciting first career jobs. I saw them buying condos, dating other young ambitious people and really starting to make progress in their lives. I started to feel disgusted with my life more and more. My job stopped being cool and I stopped telling people what I did. I could tolerate society's value judgements of stripping, but it became harder and harder to tolerate the fact that it wasn't a road that led anywhere or had any concept of progression. I think any job you don't love will start to sap your soul after a while.I read somewhere that disgust is a very motivating emotion; for a moment, you see yourself as you really are without all of your rationalizations. I felt that pretty strongly, but it still took me nine months to transition out of that life. Walking away from that loud, thrilling scene with hundred dollar bills flying around it was harder than I thought, and I understand why some girls can't ever leave it willingly. Recovering addicts have told me that without their drug of choice, life is so unbearably quiet and boring that they climb the walls. I definitely went through that, and it was very painful in a quiet, desperate way. I think that partying, substances, drama, and chaos are all ways to avoid still moments when you have to be alone with yourself.My dad got me a job at a furniture delivery warehouse for $8.00 an hour I ate my turkey sandwiches every day with the 60 year-old ladies from the accounts payable department. I went to junior college at night and went home to my old room at my parents' house and did my homework. The phone stopped ringing. I started to enjoy waking up before 9am.My life now
I teach elementary school and I go to church every Sunday. My dancing days seem like they were in another life. I'm in my thirties now, and like all women I feel a desperate need to hold onto my youth. I guess my way of doing that is to be nostalgic about my exciting past life as a dancer. Nostalgia isn't the same thing as wanting to be in the past, though. It's like enjoying a wonderful aroma coming from a restaurant... and then not going in. ;)
